08/07/2009 -
Just Ask. Right? . . . No.
By Mike Macedonio
I was recently attending a BNI National Conference and there was a lot of effective networking going on. With the culture of “Givers Gain” there were participants offering to help one another and make connections. On several occasions I was also watching some business people walk up to people that barely knew them and asks to be referred to their valued relationship. I felt a sense of awkwardness in the conversation.
I think what I was actually feeling was déjà vu. I’ve been on the receiving end of the “referral ambush” before, when someone I may hardly be in the “Visibility” phase with is asking me to expose my reputation by referring them to one of my valued relationships. In some cases, I was even asked to promote them or their company to my entire data base.
During the BNI Conference, there was one participant who approached the main speaker and introduced themselves. Shortly into the conversations, they let the speaker know that they understood the speaker knew an internationally known personality and that they would like an introduction to that person in order to pitch their business to him. WOW . . . that was a big ask. So, why did it feel inappropriate? Part of the reason is the stage of the referral process, or the VCP Process, that the attendee and speaker were engaged in.
VCP is the acronym Dr. Ivan Misner uses for Visibility, Credibility, and Profitability. In the Visibility stage, two people simply know who each other are. If both people can state each other’s name and business, that would be considered a qualified Visibility relationship. Credibility is when the relationship between two people has developed and both parties hold a mutual trust for one another. Profitability is the ultimate referral relationship goal. In this stage, both parties are reciprocally referring each other business.
In the situation I observed at the National Conference where the Conference attendee asked for the referral to the internationally known personality, the attendee was merely in the pre-visibility stage with the speaker. It’s true that the attendee might have mistakenly felt that they were in the credibility phase with the speaker; maybe felt that they knew him, since they had been watching him connect with the audience repeatedly over the course of the 3-day event. However, it’s important to always remember that credibility is something that is established over a substantial period of time–not just a few hours, days, or weeks. It takes months, and in many cases years, to develop real credibility with someone.
In closing, let me clarify that yes, I do believe that in order to get referrals we need to ask. The key, however, is to know how to ask and when it is appropriate to make the request. When is the right time, you ask? The right time to ask for a referral is when BOTH parties are in the Credibility phase of the referral relationship. Networking should not be a system which ends up alienating your friends and family. Be conscious of the deposits you make into your relationships before you start “writing checks” or, in essence, ASKING for referrals from those you have relationships with.
Mike Macedonio is the President and Partner of the Referral Institute, the world’s leading referral training organization (www.referralinstitute.com). He is also a New York Times best selling author of, Truth or Delusion? Busting Networking’s Biggest Myths (www.truthordelusion.com).
